My mama always says to me when I’m sad or complaining, “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. He knows you are my mighty one and gives you more than most but you can handle it.”

In the past I quietly agreed and took the burden like a good Christian gal. This heaping pile of cancer crap on my plate, had me pushing back a bit. Not out of anger towards God and not to simply be a shit to my sweet mama. It was because I don’t believe God thinks I am strong or mighty. I know I am weak and imperfect. After all, I have lived in this brain for almost 44 years. Looney toons folks.

God continually gives us more than we can handle. He wants to test us and test our faith. Not just our faith in Him but our faith in ourselves. Now some would argue that I’m trying to find a reason why. Why me? Why take away the life partner of an incredibly caring husband? Why take me away from the love of my life? Why take away the mother of an innocent little boy? Why take away a daughter, a sister, a friend….? Why? Why? Why? But I have come to the conclusion that we will never know why and that’s okay. It’s true I didn’t deserve this and neither did my family. But that doesn’t make cancer go away. Nothing will at this point so there’s no point in getting angry. Let go, let God as they say.

The masters used to add ash to their paint base. Every stroke of color was creating beauty with something that had been destroyed. We see this in real life. Out of the ashes of a fire, new roots and flowers grow. Gardeners use ash to bring life to their crops. So out of the ashes of the chaotic fire that is life we need to create beauty and seek it as well. Like a phoenix we rise, be it in life or in death, we rise.

And just like that God says, “See mighty one. I had a plan.”

https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=yutmTFtalKs