Tonight I grilled chicken and made mashed potatoes. We have a turntable that gets used daily. Normally I put on something that fits my mood. Tonight I looked down on the turntable and saw Purple Rain. For you youngsters…Prince. Incredible album. Anyway, after dinner was consumed and dishes done I retired to the porch. The birds were literally whistling to the iconic Prince and it made me wonder if he was somehow here?

We all wonder about life after death. If there is in fact life. Or do we simple become dust? I find it very hard that something as incredible as life is just that. You live. You die. End of story. As a sometimes good Christian Catholic, I believe in God. I do believe in life after death. But there is fear.

I don’t fear death so much as I fear nothingness. I fear never seeing my son and husband again. I fear darkness. I fear disappearing. I guess once your gone the fear disappears too. All we have is faith. Faith that there is an afterlife. Faith that we will see our loved ones again. We won’t be human though…is it wrong of me to mourn the fact that I won’t get to ruffle Es hair or feel Chris’s arms around me once we are together again in heaven.

I truly hope that the afterlife is like a looking glass. I pray I can see my loved ones living a happy life, living their dreams and making the world a better place. And I hope in turn they can hear me singing in the breeze, laughing in the wind or see me smile as the spring rains fall.

I don’t fear death. I simply fear losing the human side of me and all the beauty it connects me to.