Laying on a hospital table awaiting to go through a tube, I looked up in prayer. Greeting me was a screen of cherry blossoms. Some bloomed others just budding.

“Please God if I have to have chemo that’s fine but give me ten years.” (I drive a hard bargain) “But if you find it in your power to not have me have go through chemo and for this to be an anomaly I won’t complain.” (Trust me. Even God finds me funny.)

I’m like a really bad catholic. Really really bad. But I love and believe in God like no one’s business. His hands is where I put myself. It’s how I can normally be so positive.

This morning I woke up after nightmaring about cancer, dying, no hair, etc. Chris woke up at the same time and grabbed my hand knowing the thoughts in my head. Off to the kitchen I made myself turmeric tea and went to sit on the porch to prep for today. Shortly after our Uncle Steve and Aunt Kay showed up to stay with E for the day. They came bearing breakfast and hugs. We have come to depend on them both for so much and are so thankful for them. Thank you Aunt Kay and Uncle Steve. ❤️

Next stop hospital. Along the way we approached conversations we never had the heart to discuss. When I’m gone, what will the future hold. When I’m gone, what next. Never a conversation anyone wants to have. But with Chris I’m able to speak without being guarded or trying to say the right thing. He’s the one and with love sometimes there are those horrible conversations.

IVs. Horrible drinks. Tubes. Multiple floors. HGTV. More conversations. Knowing looks. Our day. 5hrs of our day. And finally answers.

Cancer is a rollercoaster of emotions. Today ran the entire rainbow of feelings. At the end of the day things are looking up. My scans showed no cancer in my soft tissue. It also showed that the cancer is not progressing. So the increased markers…a mystery. They have no idea why. Markers are like a warning signal of what could be going on. For cancer warriors we tend to get worrisome when they go up. They are all we have to grasp onto. Long and short of it, there will not be chemo at this time. My body is doing well. Just sending weird signals out.

Prayers answered. I’m high flying and over the moon about this. For now I’m back to being vegan. Expect more recipes. We stay the course. Kick ass. And continue to look up.

He’s there. And He’s listening.