Barracuda. Mighty one. Superwoman. Just a few of the names I’ve been called during my journey with cancer. With them there comes a level of pride. And not always the good kind. I’ve been “little” and “tiny” my entire life. My stature throughout my life has made me feel like I had to prove I was stronger than the next. Tell me I can’t do something and I will prove I can and then raise you. When I was about ten my dad accidentally dropped a hammer on my head while we were climbing a ladder to fix the loft in the garage. Immediately panicking he tried to coddle. As much as it hurt I simply smiled and said “Papa I’m fine. Can you please keep moving?” I wanted to show I was tough. That despite being small I was mighty.
This has followed me my whole life. Never ask for sympathy. Never ask for help and cry when no one is looking. Smile and say “I’m fine!” Throw cancer into that mix and whoa…hand me my cape and watch me kick some ass.
Pride comes with a cost though. Family and friends get pushed away. Co-workers and peers have little to no information on the battle I’m fighting. And ultimately there is a feeling of loneliness. Pride isn’t all though. I also want to protect. Save them all from going through this. Protect them from my arch nemesis…no not my beautiful nemesis…cancer.
This last hurdle was a scary one and I found myself in a position where I needed to focus all of my energy on one simple thing, getting better. So I did something I never thought I would do…I asked for help. And in came in wave upon beautiful waves. As each helping hand made meals, sent cards, delivered flowers and gifts, assisted with dr visits and gave Evan a fun place to be I found my stress leaving my shoulders. I looked around and saw faces not of pity but faces of compassion and fortitude. My own private army.
There is strength in the power of one. But there is a light of hope, determination and might in the power of many. I can’t thank each one of you enough for all your support, prayers, love and your selflessness. I can’t promise I won’t try to handle things solo but it sure is comforting to know I have an army of angels should I need them!
List of Thanks: My Love Christopher, Evan, Christy and Brad, Megs, Maggie, PCSA team, Pam, Fred, Gretchen, Sandi, Hunter, Nghia, Emily, Sarah, Christian, Catherine, Mom, Dad, Alexis, Hollywood, R&R, Joelle, The DAGGS, Sexy Joe, Beth and Tony, Kay, Steve, Billy, Jenny, Kyle, Noah, Micah, Dad and Mom Rye, Mom and Dad BJ, Kim, Britt, Brenda, Big T, Mama Haley, The Horacek’s, The Bacons, The Steins, Mack, Anne, My beautiful nemesis, Chief Alex, Michelle, Stacy, Chef C, Beth Bluebird, Rosalinda, Kevin, The Pepe’s, Elijah, the Prayer Warriors and countless others. Thank you so very much. ♥️