The last month has felt like 2022 all over again. Without going into too much of the dirty details, radiation is the worst. The side they radiated where my hip bone is diminishing also clips my intestines. Not sure I need to say much more than that. Chris and Evan have been saints dealing with my shit…literally. Due to the side effects, I haven’t been eating much. So I am a very slim version of myself. The pain, the lack of food and the lack of sleep has Chris tip toeing around me in fear of causing another outburst of tears. Add the daily stress of life and yeah…I have been a horrible person to be around.

Radiation has now been over for 2 weeks and I am still not right. We had to cancel chemo two weeks ago due to my dehydration and labs. I was complaining to my angel of a nurse and friend Kali about it and she calmly explained that the 2-3 weeks after radiation ends are the worst. Great. But it at least helps with my anxiousness to just feel better and take some of the burden off my husband.

Living in Wisconsin 99.9% of us enter into seasonal depression right around January 15th. Gloomy days leading into more gloomy days. When one has work to go to it breaks things up a bit. Now being “retired” all I have to do on those days is think and we know me thinking is not a good idea. Enters February….that middle child of the first quarter. The one that constantly gives you the middle finger and makes you think there’s no hope of ever escaping. And then the youngest child….March. The tease. Never knowing when the blue plate is going to cause cheers or tears. Thank God for April….beautiful hopeful loving April.

This week I felt well enough to take a venture to my greenhouse and spend sometime outside. Birds chirping, leaves budding, baby foxes eating all our chickens…..Its amazing how warm vitamin D and digging in dirt can heal the soul and soothe the mind. Like the gentle patient soul he is Chris went out and got me 9 bags of dirt, a grapevine and a raspberry bush to jump start my season of happiness. He quickly built a trellis next to the greenhouse and then got out my parent’s antique garden table for us to enjoy wine together next time I felt well enough.

Last night he brought in one of Juniper Moon Candle Co signature spring candle Grandfather’s Garden to help with my mood. This scent was crafted for my dad in memory of my childhood. My dad always had a large garden when I was a kid. His tomatoes were the highlight. I remember my mom canning for weeks on end because of the the sheer amount he would plant. Any rotten were save for tomato fights at the end of the season. This candle reminds me of my childhood. And brings spring into my mind and heart. You can literally see the serotonin levels rising in me.

If you look closely you can see my father’s face on the label. Makes me smile all the time. I love this state but I am of the firm belief that Wisconsin needs to do away with January and February. No point to them and they just piss us all off and turn us into depressed patients who turn into whiney little bitches.

Two weeks ago, I didn’t want to get out of bed. Today with the sun shining and birds luring me outside, I was able to clean the greenhouse a bit and plant some seeds. I had the candle burning in the greenhouse with me and the whole space smelled my my memories of my dad. It made me smile and hum to myself. What could that be? Happiness? Perhaps.

So out of the storms of winter and into the replenishing thunderstorms of spring. Washing away the old shit and cleansing us to be renewed. Isn’t that what Easter is all about? Washing away the pain to be replaced with hope. And there is hope. So please pardon the dirt under my nails and my smelling of tomato plants and cucumbers. I am trying to clear out those storms of winter.

Shameless plug….If you want to boost your serotonin for spring or just get your house smelling springy then head over to https://junipermooncandleco.com/ We have not only Grandfather’s Garden but other spring scents. In addition to the candles and melts we now have room sprays that are all natural.

Ps….If all that good shit wasn’t enough to get you smiling…Not that it’s always about me (which it is thank you very much) markers went down! How’s that for a serotonin increase!