It’s been a hot minute since I have written. No reason why just didn’t have any words to share and wanted to live in the moments of life for a bit. Quick update..markers continue to drop. Waiting for the latest from yesterday‘s visit. The meds seem to be keeping me stable. White count is highest it’s been in years. So all good.

The last few weeks have been brutal on a personal level. One employee got the news her cancer has spread. Another got a new diagnosis of an aggressive form of brain cancer. I find myself asking why? And why couldn’t I just take more so they wouldn’t have to go through this. Crazy thought but it’s hidden in there behind the countless tears. I hate that anyone has to battle this disease. Both individuals are extremely faithful and have put their faith and illness in Gods hands. Beautiful people.

I’ve found myself thinking how blessed we are. And really thinking if I would be as ready to embrace the end of this life as they seem? I am not afraid of dying as much as the absence I will be leaving for those I love.

There’s a song (of course) that says “Everybody’s talkin’ bout Heaven like they just can’t wait to go. Sayin’ how it’s gonna be so good, so beautiful.” And I say probably but how can Heaven can be better than having my husband hug me each night and our son squeezing me so tight like he’s afraid I’ll disappear. I never want a last hug, a last kiss, a last squeeze.

So I will wait to see Heaven for a bit. After all I have Heaven here on earth with those I love. And I pray my beautiful, faith filled employees wait for a bit too. Because their absence will never be filled.